Wanting to Go

There are moments in dementia care when you hear the same words again and again.

“I want to go home.”

Sometimes… they’re already home.

And your first instinct may be to explain that.

“You are home. You’ve lived here for years. This is your house”.

You may point out familiar things.

Their favorite chair, the pictures on the wall, the room they sleep in every night.

But somehow… the explanation doesn’t bring comfort.

And sometimes, the more you try to convince them… the more certain they become that they need to leave.

That’s because sometimes “home” isn’t really a place.

It’s a feeling: Safety, familiarity. belonging.

A time when the world made sense, a place where they knew exactly who they were and where they belonged.

Depending on where they are in their dementia, the home they’re remembering may not be the home you’re standing in.

It may be a childhood home or house they shared with their parents.

A place connected to a marriage, raising children, or another time in their life that still feels very present to them.

So instead of trying to convince them that they’re already home… you might become curious about what home means in that moment.

“What do you miss about home?”

“Tell me about it.”

“What was your favorite thing about being there?”

Maybe you sit together for a while, maybe you look through photographs, maybe you simply say… “It sounds like you really miss being there.”

You don’t have to correct the memory to connect with the feeling.

And you don’t have to solve every request in order to respond to what’s underneath it.

Because underneath “I want to go home” may be something much deeper.

I don’t recognize where I am, I’m not sure what’s happening, I want something familiar.

I want to feel safe.

And when we begin responding to that… the interaction can change.

Not necessarily because they suddenly understand where they are, but because they feel something they were searching for.

Comfort. Reassurance. Connection.

There may still be moments when they ask again, and again.

That can be difficult.. but perhaps the goal isn’t always to convince them that they are home.

Perhaps sometimes…the goal is to help them feel at home.

Wherever the two of you happen to be.